sun and blooms. Friday was beautiful.

Saturday, i participated in the Awakening Utah walk: a walk for suicide prevention and awareness.

This was kind of big for me. I mean, i don’t just walk up to everyone and say, “hello, my name is holly and i am a suicide survivor.” In truth, the phrase “suicide survivor” seems odd to me. I mean, i didn’t actually survive the suicide, i was just left behind. I guess that does make me the survivor, but am i really surviving? That rather sounds like the struggle is over, doesn’t it? I find much of the phraseology around suicide odd, honestly. Someone who commits suicide, at least within the suicide circles, is known as a “completer”. This term bothers me quite a bit actually, as it implies a type of success. Rich was troubled by his inability to “complete” his first attempt: “I can’t even do that right”. Rich was very much a perfectionist.

that’s all the words i have for this today.

head of the pack

walking in memory of all forgotten and unmentioned

no shortage of people

i really like the image on the shirt

the back of mine

despite my lack of ability to make a pair of socks that actually fit me, i do swatch.

Exhibit:

from classic elite Boathouse booklet

that fits…

Up to now i have finished 4 pairs of socks. The first fit me mostly, but are perhaps a bit too short. The second fit me in length, but are loose in the leg and could honestly be a bit tighter in the foot as well. This third went to SOP, because they were too big for me and the fourth went to SOP because they were intended for him.

I have also started two other pairs of socks for me. One i ripped out for being too big, then ripped out again for being too small (and this was a measure and calculate pattern from Sensational Knitted Socks). It is currently living in a ball state. The second is the fine example you see above. The jaywalker.

I am on gauge, and yet it is too big around and WAY too big in the heel. Let’s not talk about the length. I was using the toe-up pattern, and that might be the problem. The toe-up pattern says it is based on the “you’re putting me on” heel sock, and yet the numbers vary greatly from those in that pattern. But honestly, at this point can i really believe it is the pattern?

Anyone have any ideas? I do the measurements, but i like my socks snug. I do have a wider ball of the foot, but a high arch. SOP also would mention that i have ‘muscular’ feet, but i am not sure that makes a difference in this case…

broken with the recent storm

but new blooms are on their way!

before i moved in with sop, i passed this tree on my way in to work every day. It’s on the other side of campus now, but today i took a walk to see how the blooms were doing. The amazing thing is that although many are battered and worn, there are still a ton of buds just coming out. I’ll have to go by next week also…