or more accurately, the ptoblem with sop working late on his sculpture is that i have too much time to think. Thinking tends to be a bad thing for me. Rich is always on my mind in one way or another and i still haven’t worked out all the details on letting him go but NOT letting him go. Does one ever get there? Suicide is painless, hmm? Not for anyone i know. Not for Rich, even though it is perhaps now. Really, to me it seems that suicide amplifies one’s pain onto everyone one once knew, with the stronger amplification going to those who were closest. Which is why it is no longer an option for me. I was the one left behind and there is no way i could do that to someone else. My extremeties go numb as i write this. Honestly, that often happens when i think of Rich and what i should have, could have done. Yes, i know things may have still been the same. I know all the things that i am supposed to know in my head. But the thoughts that haunt me are not those that come from the head. And that is the problem with sculpture.

i got home yesterday to find a package on the doorstep – for me!

inside, was this:

arrived with five sisters

and some of my very favorite candy in a little olive-green tote. Wow, all because i had a birthday.

Thank you Thuy!